In our class we are leaning to add detail to simple sentances. This is an example...
The dog barked. and this is my version of it...
The ferocious, black Pit-Bull jumped and pinned me to the ground. I struggled to get free but it held me down harder. I noticed that white foam was pouring from its mouth. I had never been so scared in my life. My heart boomed louder and louder, and the dog’s eyes got redder and redder. Suddenly, I heard a car drive past. The dog turned its head to look. I pushed it’s furry, black chest up and it fell to the ground and wiggled. It stood up and I thought it was going to attack me again. But all of a sudden it let out a loud, scary and giant bark. It echoed down the street and sounded like a lion’s enormous roar. Terrified, I ran the opposite way to the dog, towards my house. It surprisingly didn’t chase me but it just stood there staring at me. Creepy, I thought because that was the word of the day.
This is excellent Bailey. You gave me a really vivid picture in my head. Great descriptive language, a simile and definitely more interesting than the dog barked!!
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